Dealing with Anxiety + Preventing Anxiety Attacks

5/27/2017

Dealing with Anxiety + Preventing Anxiety Attacks

Last week, I suffered from my very first anxiety attack. Before writing this, I considered the terms 'panic attack' and 'anxiety attack' interchangeable. Turns out, there are subtle differences. For the purpose of this discussion, I will consider my attack that of the anxiety variety, which usually includes a direct stressor - i.e., an event or situation - as opposed to a panic attack, which is often unprovoked and unpredictable.

It was last Thursday, the day before my bachelorette party. I was about an hour out from leaving my house for LAX to pick up the first of the weekend's guests - my cousin, Devin. I had been cleaning the house all morning, wiping up stray water drops and scrubbing things no-one but me would pay attention to. I was already frustrated, knowing how little time I had left to prepare. As a crazy perfectionist, I generally can't relax until everything feels perfect. Which it never does, which creates a really shitty cycle of me hating myself for not reaching impossible expectations I set for myself. That morning was particularly hard, as I was also silently dreading going to my own bachelorette party. Don't get me wrong, because I'd really hate to some off as a bridezilla here; it's not that I didn't feel lucky to be having one, or that I didn't think it was grand enough for my expectations. Rather, as someone who generally considers herself an introvert, I was dreading dealing with the social pressures of making sure everyone at the party was socializing, happy, well fed. Things a host does. Things you'd think, just by following me on social media, I'm probably great at. But that's sort of the wonderful illusion of social media - I can show you everything I want and nothing I don't. And as honest as I try to be here and with this audience, I don't normally advertise how hard it is for me to be social. It feels likes it only makes it harder, pointing it out. And makes me feel awkward. If you're an introvert, you get it. If not - imagine social anxiety as one of your greatest fears in place of heights, spiders, or whatever normally gets your heart racing. That's what it feels like - like something you just would reallllly rather avoid if you could.

So, Thursday morning was stressful and feeling heavy and impending, and I don't remember when I started crying. It might've been after my cousin called saying his flight landed an hour early, it might've been when I realized I was leaving my sweet dog for a full weekend, it might've even been when I started packing my overnight bag. All of sudden, I was just a pile of stress and tears and extreme sadness. I've struggled with bouts of depression and anxiety my whole life, but this just felt different. It was like a wave, overtaking my throat, choking my breath, my tongue getting thick and sluggish in my mouth. My shoulders seized up my body was shaking as I just broke down. I sobbed for so long and so heavily it felt like I would never stop. I couldn't catch my breath or open my eyes, and everything hurt. I moved to the back yard and back into the bedroom, with Alex finally wrapping me in a blanket while I just lay there choking on my own snot. It was a mess. It took me about an hour to calm down, from start to finish, and I still feel nearly a week and a half later like it could happen at any time. I knew immediately it was anxiety attack because I'd seen people have similar instances before, but I really, truly thought that somehow (white privilege? societal constructs? all of the above?) it couldn't happen to me. I like to think of myself as well put together, strong, able to handle my shit - but this kind of rocked me. I hated not feeling in control of myself completely, and feeling like my emotions and stress could overwhelm me in such an abrupt and upsetting way.

I'm working on a recap of the bachelorette weekend now, and it should be ready in a couple of days for you guys. It took me a while to sort through my emotions about it, because it went neither like I wanted it to or like I expected it to. And that's okay, just frustrating. In the meantime, I've been spending as much possible time on self-care and things that make me happy as possible. I wrote a post on instagram about how yoga invasions have been helping me deal with stress lately, but I wanted to give you guys a few suggestions for dealing with your own anxiety and stress and hope you'll give me your suggestions in the comments below as well. I think the best part about this platform is the ability it gives me to connect with so many of you who are in the same or similar situations; We have so much to offer each other in terms of support and education!

Here are just a few ways I like to relax + practice a little self-care:

taking long walks / hikes with Maddie
relaxing cannabis balm massages
a warm, cozy lavender tea latte
listening to old records
yoga - especially inversions! They require great focus + strength
gardening with Alex
hot shower followed by essential oils
making a pie - there's something very therapeutic about rolling dough!
hard workouts - anything that makes me sore is great for clearing my head

Now that I've had the anxiety attack, the scariest part is anticipating another one. DON'T DO THIS! Haha. It just stresses us out more! If you do feel an anxiety attack coming on try taking deep, regulated breaths (ujjayi breath in yoga), and think about something that makes you genuinely happy. Or just work on clearing your mind - its up to you to find which works best for you. I also try to be super honest with Alex when I'm feeling like this. If you're lucky enough to have an awesome partner, they want what is best for you. Let them comfort you and keep them in the loop when you start feeling more anxiety-ridden so they can help you. If you don't have alive-in partner or aren't comfortable getting super real with them yet, give yourself an outlet. Whether its a close friend or therapist, I'm a big fan of talking it out. Do what you gotta do to keep yourself happy + healthy. And I will too! While I'm sure a lot of stress will leave after the wedding, I'm still considering getting into therapy again. It's so nice to have a neutral outlet when you need it!

So I want to know: how do you practice self-care? How do you deal when you feel an anxiety attacking coming or strike? Let me know in the comments below! ❤️

27 Comments

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Angie

5/28/2017 09:40:52 am

Hi there,

Thanks for this post, it resonates with me deeply. I've suffered with Anxiety pretty much my whole life and I used to hate it! Hated the personal war between my logical mind and terrified body, hated that I seemed to be the only person who was afraid of her own species in large quantities and hated how I thought it made me a lesser person. Now though, I listen to it, I see it as my friend. I'm a sensitive girl, things bother me and when I get a bout of anxiety I just think ' yknow what? I haven't been listening to myself. What's bothering Ange? " Anxiety is part of me, if I experience it I'm usually not confronting something or I'm not dealing with emotions. So I stop, and I try to dilute the anxiety bit by bit. I tend to do a lot of similar self care exercises as yourself but the one that works most for me is doing things for others. Volunteering my help always makes me feel good, especially working with animals and attending events hosted by the save movement. Making a difference.

I love your page beautiful girl, you seem very in touch with the world and you probably suffer from anxiety because you've got a really big heart xxxxx

Amber link

5/28/2017 12:07:27 pm

Hi Angie!

I so get those crummy, anxious feelings. I love that you have turned it into a cue for some self-care time - I need to start to change my way of perceiving the stress! Thank you so much for sharing your experience, and your feel-better tools! Sending you HUGE hugs + positive vibes babe! XOXO

Adeline

5/28/2017 11:07:22 am

I totally understand this cycle: "I generally can't relax until everything feels perfect. Which it never does, which creates a really shitty cycle of me hating myself for not reaching impossible expectations I set for myself." And baking a pie or playing with dough is the best! Love this post <3

5/28/2017 12:09:37 pm

Hi Adeline!

I keep re-reading that line - thank you for bringing it to my attention again! I think it totally illustrates that icky cycle we get stick in of perfection and perception. Here's to beating the cycle and eating pie afterwards!! <3

Viktor link

5/28/2017 03:05:09 pm

I can relate to this, and I have to tell you, that you are very strong that you can write about this!!!

6/2/2017 07:20:18 pm

Thank you Viktor! 🙏

Ally

5/28/2017 04:53:52 pm

I totally relate to the feeling of needing everything to be perfect and how much the anxiety increases when preparing for a social event. Especially, when I am the hostess! When my heartbeat increases and my breathing becomes more rapid, I use the AWARE technique and it really has helped me. There are many times when I feel alone in this so I thank you for sharing your story.

6/2/2017 07:23:32 pm

Ally, thanks so much for sharing your experience. I had never heard of the AWARE method but it seems awesome! I'll absolutely use it the next time I feel some anxiety coming on. Thank you so much for the suggestion!

Tia Marie

5/28/2017 05:03:21 pm

I really liked this post! I suffer from anxiety that can be pretty crippling at times and, while I don't have social anxiety, having to play hostess at a party or gathering always makes me incredibly anxiety-ridden. When I feel a panic attack coming on, I really like to take a moment (if I can) to step outside and just sit outside for a moment. Leaving the area where I was feeling anxious helps by itself, but combined with fresh air and a (hopefully) scenic view, it really helps to ground me.

6/2/2017 07:28:28 pm

Thanks Tia! I so appreciate you sharing your experience. Anxiety totally sucks, but I agree with you - fresh air and open space helps hugely! <3

Natalie link

5/28/2017 06:14:43 pm

This is a great post! I struggle with social anxiety and could identify with everything that you were saying - washing down the counters, etc etc, before leaving for the weekend. I do this too! I didn't even have a bachelorette party for this very reason! I'm glad you were able to write about it and share and that you have ways to cope. The lavendar tea looks amazing!

Rocky

5/31/2017 08:46:36 am

Thanks for being transparent! I appreciate your real-ness :).

6/2/2017 07:28:52 pm

Thanks for reading, Rocky! :)

Kelsey

5/31/2017 08:58:34 am

Thank you for writing about this. It is helpful to those of us who also deal with anxiety and panic to know that others out there are going through similar things. Much of what you described seems to echo my life... right down to the Bachelorette party dread. Also, your emphasis on self-care is so important! Doing something relaxing that you love like a hobby is vital and usually the first thing to go when stress is high and all you want to do is burrito yourself in a blanket and hide from the world. I appreciate your bravery in telling sharing your experience. It can be hard to articulate.

6/2/2017 07:31:53 pm

I totally agree, Kelsey! Having a supportive community is important. I am so happy you could connect - although sorry that you're feeling those feelings, too. Sending you hugs + good vibes girl! 😘

Jane

5/31/2017 10:44:45 pm

I have also dealt with anxiety for a little over 5 years. I saw a therapist and it was so helpful to talk things out get book recommendations and learn strategies - mostly to learn about myself. I realized I was pushing myself to do all these things - things for others, working to have more money, working to advance in my career, planning a wedding, wanting every little detail to be Pinterest perfect but it wasn't until I made time for myself (even if that meant being a little more selfish or so what I considered selfish), eating healthier, getting enough sleep, and knowing what environments gave me anxiety (example loud busy restaurants, crowded malls and concerts) also being outdoors in nature feels good! Thanks for sharing and being so open - it's great to know we aren't alone even when it feels that way sometime.

6/2/2017 07:37:29 pm

Thank you for sharing your story, Jane! I SO get those feelings, and am sure I practice them too often myself. Thank you for the tips, I think being aware of my environment is something I need to be more aware of in the future for sure! <3

Jacky

6/1/2017 01:40:00 am

Thank you for this and thank you everyone for your comments. So much of what everyone has said resonates with me too, I too just want to go to bed and hide under the duvet when things get tough and I get stressed about completing my to do list and the housework and then that makes me more stressed and that makes it all less likely to get done because then I'm in a stress fog that just makes me procrastinate.........which then makes me more anxious that I havent doen anything. I can relate to the crying too, when you get in that 'can't stop just sobbing for ages' mode it's hard for people to understand that it's "just" because something didn't go right. Thank you all xx

6/2/2017 07:47:00 pm

Hi Jacky! Isn't this such a rad community? So happy to have such a great dialogue on anxiety going. I'm so sorry you're dealing with these feeling too, but happy to say you are so not alone and I so get it!! Sending you love + grid vibes babe! <3

6/3/2017 02:55:58 am

Thank you Amber xx

sasha

6/4/2017 04:50:12 pm

As a mental health professional I love this post, how much we need to talk about these things is huge. I think skills like defusion ( that can be practised during meditation) are huge- it allows us not to get hooked, deep breathing, yoga for sure, owning it-like you nailed it in this blog post..so many of us have anxiety which is a emotion/body response that has got us this far, seeing when it gets too much is the key and taking action- not avoiding

6/4/2017 10:18:37 pm

Thank you Sasha! I so appreciate hearing that! And I agree - anxiety totally needs to be an open, talked about thing. Thanks so much for your input! <3

Olivia

6/19/2017 01:02:08 am

I have suffered from chronic panic disorder since I was a child. It got worse as I grew up. It came down to suicide, because no one understood it and ignored me until I ODed on sleeping pills and died in the ambulance. I was intubated and revived, and briefly institutionalized. Therapy didn't help. It got to where I couldn't eat, sleep, or talk. I was in limbo--didn't want to live and didn't want to die. Finally a doctor looked at me and said, "This girl is dying." It made him angry that no one had treated me long ago. He prescribed me benzodiazepines, God bless him, and I felt NORMAL for the first time in my life. The long, terrifying night was finally OVER.

I'm glad you can calm yourself naturally and that you have a loving, supportive partner. Exercising and listening to old records helped me, too, once I was stabilized. Keep up the great work! Be happy and have a beautiful wedding!

6/19/2017 02:10:33 am

Olivia - it broke my heart to read this, but makes me so incredibly happy to hear how well you are doing now. It sounds like your experience was terrifying, and I wouldn't;t wish that pain on anyone. Thank goodness for a WOKE doctor! Sending you so much love and so many good vibes babe! <3 <3

Olivia Reed

6/24/2017 08:43:52 am

Love to you and thank you for your kind comments! I saw the photo of you in your beautiful wedding gown! Blessings to you and Alex--loving each other and every living creature.

I have this saying pasted on my front door:
"Guard with tenderness small things that have no words.
--Margaret Wise Brown."
Every little creature, to the smallest spider, is safe with me.

paula rothman

6/27/2017 11:02:26 am

glad you are taking care of this. all of these feeling are normal..
for some folks ashwagandha helps..just a thought... for me. running is deeply calming.. i suffered a great loss some years ago, coudln't be at home or at work. nothing brought me peace.. except running.. you cant run and cry... be well.

Sean Mahan link

7/7/2017 12:57:31 pm

Thank you so much for the tips. Anxiety can be really tough if you don't do something to soothe it. I'm not much of a yoga person, but listening to old records... always works.